Forgive, Forget, For What?

"I'll forgive you, if you forgive me." they said to me - and to be fair to them, it was supposed to be a coy remark, it was supposed to lighten the mood and make me smile. But it didn't. I realised that when I was supposed to be embracing and thanking whichever spirit that is in charge of such matters that an argument was over, I was in fact frowning in thought. I'd said I was sorry. So had they. Forgive, forget and move on. But for what? My mind is suddenly awash with thought. Look Around You is one of the most surreal, and yet most entertaining things I've watched all year (and from the BBC too, believe it or not). It's a spoof of 70s television shows that embraced bizarre inventions and tried to predict the world of the future. Despite the seemingly unconnected jokes and uncaring time slot, the show works and the gags are cared for. I watch it because there are some elements of the past that really intrigue me - most of which don't need exaggeration to make them bemusing. Cultures, similarly, can offer a lot of surprising information. People that know me personally may know that I have a certain interest in Japan and oriental culture. It's not just that I find it a beautiful part of the world, nor merely that I admire its people - it is also something to do with the unique qualities of their culture. Take, for instance, Christmas in Japan. It is considered inappropriate for a woman to be single on Christmas Eve, and they are referred to as 'unsold christmas cake' if this happens. This is something that has arisen in the last few centuries, since the main religion is Shinto, but even over such a short space of time - as Look Around You shows - things can change dramatically. But this article is not about change. Maybe another day. You see, in Japan there is also a very different way of apologising. In Japan it is very important to apologise for an error or a mistake even if it is not your fault at all. Flight attendants are trained to apologise profusely to Japanese tourists if anything - at all - happens whilst they are travelling. Secondly, it is very important to attempt to resolve the situation diligently... even if you have no hope of doing so. Flight attendants are also told to make it appear that they are working as hard as is possible to solve any problem, even if they have no way of even beginning to solve what is wrong. It's just the way things are done. In Japan, apologising is a symbol of concern for others, of humbleness - but not of submission. But, for want of a better phrase, I think that's bullshit. I'd like you to think for a second along the lines that I thought - 'sorry' simply doesn't exist. When you say 'sorry' to someone, it means nothing. What you're actually saying is 'forgive and forget'. It's an ancient pact, written on our hearts by our ancestors. You forgive me, and I'll forgive you. Apologising simply doesn't enter into it. You see, I'm not sorry for calling Japanese culture bullshit. Nor am I sorry for using the word bullshit three times in a single article. If I apologise to you, it will be because I want you to forgive me. And you will. You'll forgive me because you're hoping that I'll cover for you some day, and maybe that'll save your ass. Or maybe you're forgiving me because you hope that some god or other will do the same...? There's a website somewhere that tries to train businesspeople in the art of apologies. It lists eight kinds of 'sorry', but not one of them is a sincere apology. Do you really believe in the laws of this land? Why do you think it is wrong to murder, to steal, to rape, to lie? Is it because you find it morally unacceptable? Is it because you think it is not how we're designed to live? Or is it because you're afraid of being murdered, stolen from, raped or lied to? Do you really believe you're sorry? Why do you think you should be sorry? Is it because you feel bad for what you've done? Or is it because you want to be off the hook, and the only way of doing that is by trading forgiveness for forgiveness? I suppose you can't knock the notion. The Catholic Church have been at it for two millenia. I'd say I was sorry for that last line... but you'd be too suspicious I was lying to you. Goodnight, ladies and gentlement. Sorry for the swearing. ^_~