Don't Drink And Derive

I am sitting here, and lying in front of me is an integration question. I am supposed to show that 'the area of the shaded region bound by the curve, the x-asxis and the lines x=1 and x=9 is 24 and four ninths'. And I don't know how to do it. That's not completely true - it isn't so much that I don't know how to do it as it is that I know I'm doing it correctly but the answer remains more elusive than a successful AQA remark (Bitter? Me?). Suddenly, the floodgates open as I realise that I know what the key is to the question! Numbers tumble into their compartments, oiling the formulae into a dance of functions and indices and then - presto! Twenty four and four ninths. The successful feeling that gushes from this is second to few others. The feeling that I have completed something, that I have achieved a solution from my own reasoning and thought. It is a rare moment that reminds me of my hopes, dreams and goals. That moment where the clouds part and the light beams through again, reminding me that every night must have a day to follow it, and that the future is, by definition, not something I can have right now. But my success would not have been as sweet without the minutes spent deliberating, despairing and softly swearing under my breath at the collection of dead ends, illogical equations and failed expansions that I made. The sweet of the success would not have been sweet without the sourness of the preceding moments. Which (as per usual) leads me nicely onto a little philosophical thought for you. Many people often say that a world full of suffering can not be a world full of God. The conception of God for most people is an entity that is both all powerful and all loving - someone who can do something about evil and suffering, and someone who wants to. It is a common challenge to ask how a world with evil can be one that God exists in. This stems from our desire for happiness - we all want to live in a world that fits our dreams, where we are ultimately happy and our every wish is fulfilled. Modern day thought, controlled by Utilitarianism and the feeling that happiness is what should be sought after, is dominated by a need for happiness. But perhaps we are searching for the wrong thing? In Huxley's Brave New World a protagonist rejects happiness inducing drugs and asserts his 'right to be unhappy'. This has even been used to criticise utilitarian thought. Without the knowledge of suffering, pain, evil and distress then we could never understand the concept of pleasure, joy, love, compassion and the Good. Maybe the maths questions are there so we can understand the correct solutions. Maybe the problems in this world are here so we can comprehend the correct path in life. Maybe. Or maybe Mathematics just screws with your head?