And In Last Place...

I like to think of myself as a pretty good citizen, brother, son, student, friend and writer. Not top-of-the-range. I have my foibles, my weaknesses, my let-downs. But at the same time I don't think I'm a failure. I do my best to achieve my tasks, meet my goals, and be as friendly as I can. But, as I plunder through life doing whatever my limited ethical knowledge tells me is right, I get the feeling that the only proverb worth taking note of is 'Nice Guys Finish Last'. I don't profess to be a fountain of all knowledge, but often I end up talking to people about their problems. They trust me. And trust me, they have quite a few. Everyone has problems at one time in their lives, and it's nice to have someone to talk to. People like to talk, and I like to listen. It's a two-way thing and it works fine. People also like generosity. A bit of altrusim never hurt anyone, and if I can help out by lending (or giving) things out then I will. It doesn't bother me - I'm not looking for anything particular in return. Maybe a bit of friendship, a bit of acknowledgement. Not my name up in lights, not a round of applause and a medal. People like sacrifice, too. Not material things, like lending money or sharing food. Sacrificing time, work, enjoyment - for the sake of other people. If I'm in a really helpful mood, I'll put aside my time for other people, especially when they really need it. Or at least, I like to think so. I dn't go out of my way to find people who are down and comfort them - I'm no saint, I know that. But people, you see, are somewhat fickle. And at the end of the day, all of us - myself included - would rather choose 'me' than 'you', or even 'us'. 'Me' is the constant, the necessary, the important. 'Me' is what separates them from you, I from us. Like they say - there's no I in TEAM, but if you look hard enough you'll find 'Me'. And once people find 'Me' they realise that they were never looking for 'Team' in the first place. And so, back from the sideroad that I so often lead you down and back to what I'm trying to say. And what am I trying to say? I'm trying to say that nice guys really do finish last. Because, although we all cherish these virtues, these excellencies of the human character, we only really value them when they are benefitting me, myself and I. Justice is only pleasing when the balance swings in our favour. Truth is only liberating when it is beneficial truths that we are given. At the end of the day, it is those that have the killer instinct, who aren't afraid to push people aside, to take the offers of others whilst not giving too many away themselves - it is those people that really succeed in life. The rest? Those who are too afraid - or too 'noble' - to push and shove when necessary? They sink to the list of 'People I'd Like To Thank'. They are a stepping stone in someone else's path, too busy being trodden on to make any progress themselves. So what am I saying? Am I saying that virtue is useless? Am I saying that people need to be more ruthless? Am I warning all those that know me that I am about to become meaner, decisive and exacting? Or am I saying that it is the virtuous people that are the foundation of society? That is a decision for you to make. If you decide that I am talking bullshit and that the way you live your life is not cold, or ruthless, or self-centred, then so be it. Your thinking that does not make me wrong, nor does it make me right. Like I say, I like to think of myself as a pretty good citizen, brother, son, student, friend and writer. Not top-of-the-range. I have my foibles, my weaknesses, my let-downs. But at the same time I don't think I'm a failure. I do my best to achieve my tasks, meet my goals, and be as friendly as I can. But, as I plunder through life doing whatever my limited ethical knowledge tells me is right, I get the feeling that the only proverb worth taking note of is 'Nice Guys Finish Last'.

Dear Blog

I have far too much on my plate. I'll be back to you after I've cut through two thousand words of essays. Coming Soon - Why Good Guys Finish Last!

*Psychotic Twitch*

I am laughing uncontrollably. This has now been going on for about seventy seconds now. The CD drive in my PC has started whirring. I don't know why. It's making a sound, for a reason best know to itself and the god of technology, as if I had just put a CD in there. I haven't. And it won't stop. I'm not sure what's funnier - the odd sensation that God is doing his darndest to piss the hell out of me, or the fact that my headphones are in such a position that they actually amplify the whirring over my music. Hilarious. Absolutely stitch-up-my-sides funny. And yet, despite the sarcasm overload, the incessant whirring has a funny element to it. It's so irritating, it's such a kick in the balls when I'm feeling this stressed.... That you can't help but laugh. Right?

Why?

There is a lot of philosophy here. I know that, and I'm not ashamed of it. I like to review, to joke around, point out things that make me laugh or talk about things that have affected me greatly. But a lot of the time I like to Think. A lot of people I've met and talked to don't understand the point in stufying religion, philosophy or ethics, nor do they see the point in questioning their lives. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with them as people, but I don't agree with their stance. I can't prove them to be wrong, but I can show you why I feel the need to question. Questions surround us all the time, but some are more pertinent than others. You might ask How a bee collects pollen. You might ask Who planted a flower in a particular place. You might ask What type of flower it is, or When it was planted. Scientists plunge into these questions and dig deeper and deeper. Cells. Molecules. Atoms. Electrons. Quarks. Maybe now even Strings. But the question of Why sends us in the other direction - not down into the detail, but up into the grandeur of the planet, the galaxy, the universe, and then perhaps beyond - should there be anything beyond in the first place. But why, in an age of McDonalds and Wife Swap would I want to ask stupid questions about whether a chair exists? Why, with the theories of the Big Bang, Evolution and Natural Selection, would I want to worry about dated notions such as God? Why, in a world full of atheism and fecklessness, should I worry about an afterlife? "The unexamined life is not worth living." - that was one of Socrates' little gems. He confronted men of law, men of government, great generals, leaders and more. He asked them to talk about the basics of life. They had power, wealth, fame - perhaps even admirable things such as friendship and family. But they had never questioned anything about themselves. To Socrates, these people were living with their eyes firmly shut. Philosophy, and thus my articles, are not about asking stupid questions about chairs. It's a bloody chair - of course it sodding well exists. And if it didn't - if we were being deceived - it wouldn't affect the Great Scheme Of Things in that great a way. Philosophy, and thus my articles, are about asking those little questions, giving in to the small voice that asks questions which you are discouraged from asking. They might not lead to the satisfactory answers that everyone is searching for. But they will bring you one step closer. But just because God and existence isn't the focus of philosophy doesn't mean it isn't important. There are some people who think it doesn't matter if God exists or not. I can understand atheism, and at times I consider myself not to believe in God either. But to say it doesn't matter... to say that it would not matter if you discovered someone had been judging you for 80 years to decide how you would be treated for eternity... that seems a little foolish. You don't have to question your beliefs. You don't have to dress like ancient Greeks. You don't need to abandon talking to anyone who hasn't read Critique Of Pure Reason. You don't need to do this because no-one does this. All you need to do is open your mind and allow yourself, once in a while, to pause as you are being told something and ask Why. Why is abortion wrong? Why is the war in Iraq unjust? Why is it important to remember World War 2? Why is cloning dangerous? Does it matter if I cheat on my partner? Does it matter if I eat unhealthily? Does anything matter? You can live by ignoring these questions, and you will think that you have successfully avoided something unnecessary and boring. But those of you who take the risk, who chance to question and ask about the world around them - they will find themselves feeling a little freer than most. I'm not saying you'll all reach nirvana. I'm not saying you'll all find the answers you're seeking for. But I am saying that the unexamined life really isn't worth living. Rant over. Back to the articles. Thanks for reading my blog, even if this is all you have read of it. by sharing ideas, we share knowledge, discoveries, emotions, feelings, ideals. I can type and type until my fingers are raw, but without someone on the other end my rantings are pointless. Thanks for reading.

Classics Revisited #1

They say they don't make them like they used to, and to some extent that's true. The films that I want to recommend here are the greats of their time, but for some reason people seem afraid of them. It's like we've moved on, and films more than a decade old seem confusing and in a different language. Mark Twain said that a classic book is one that 'people praise and don't read' and the same is for films. The classics are there because they are the benchmarks of their genres, and if you're looking to expand your horizons these should be your starting point, not some mass-produced, cliché-ridden, yet no doubt fun 21st Century action/thriller/mystery/romcom. North By Northwest is a thriller set in the late Fifties, and follows the trials of advertising executive Roger Thornhill, who is mistaken for an FBI spy and is chased across the breadth of the United States, whilst frantically trying to work out who is chasing him, and who holds the identity they are really looking for. The police are after him. A mysterious man is after him. The FBI are after him. It's a trust no-one-and-suspect-everything situation as the movie goes from cliffhanger to cliffhanger in a race to the movie's thrilling conclusion atop Mount Rushmore. Why should you watch this film? Because it is pure and simple thriller material. Every movie that has tried to thrill since, from Paycheck which was inspired by this film to The Silence Of The Lambs owes something to North By Northwest. North By Northwest perfected all the key elements of the thriller genre - an innocent main character lost in a world that neither he nor the audience understands; dangerous men (and women) that seem trustworthy but are often not; the feeling of unease and suspense in each and every set piece; short, sharp flashed of action and high-paced chase scenes. Thrillers of today might mix in sex scenes, explosions and gratuitous use of Computer Graphics, but North By Northwest succeeds on pure suspense and thrills alone - all pushed forward by the magnificent abilities of Alfred Hitchcock, who can be seen in the opening of the film. Compared to the epic scale of The Lord Of The Rings, or the innovative use of CG in Paycheck, North By Northwest might look shabby. Indeed, people watching it for the first time in 2005 are likely to be somewhat disappointed at first. But looked on as a fine piece of cinema, North By Northwest holds its own as a suspense-ridden film from start to finish. The plot, though a little shaky at times, holds the movie together well and the actors put on a brilliant performance in what was at the time a fresh and new concept for movies in general. The set design is brilliant and offers a superb reflection of life in 1950s America. Every scene, from the claustrophobic hotels to the wide open crop fields, is brilliantly set up and the stunts that Hitchcock does attempt are pulled off with bravado and a great deal of success. If the movie has one letdown, it would definitely be the plot's performance midway through the film. If you can accept the strange twists and turns that the plot takes, and the apparently bizarre shift from man-on-the-run to -man-with-a-mission then you should be fine with the film and enjoy every second Hitchcock has crafted. No comedy. No sex. No explosions. No bad accents (well, maybe one...). North By Northwest sets out with one aim - to marry Hitchcock's mastery of tension with a thrilling one-man-against-the-world setting. And it succeeds in every way imaginable.

...Just Fade Away...

Like all the best revelations, it came to me in the lingerie section of New Look. In that period of time where your girlfriend has deserted you to try something on and you are left in a sea of leopardskin wellington boots and whiny teenage girls. That period where there's nothing better to do than stare aimlessly at the decor (which is, incidentally, as skimpy as New Look's underwear). I stared up and saw a black dome on the ceiling above me and suddenly realised that I was in a camera blind spot, and couldn't be seen. Flashback to the morning. I woke up and was phoned by my work to ask if I'd like to go in today. The phone call was logged by my service provider, who also sent me a nice letter offering me something which I don't need. Their databases tell them everything about me - what I like, what I wear, how old I am - everything except the fact that selling stuff through the post never, ever works on me. I left the house fairly early and met up with my girlfriend, after texting her (again logged by Orange) and telling her to meet me at the bus stop. The CCTV of the Tesco Express convenience store caught me on the way up the road, and various other cameras picked me up. I got on the bus and bought a ticket which was discounted because I gave in all of my current details to the local library to get a leisure card. I was then filmed on the bus as I travelled to the town centre, for security purposes. I left the bus, and went to draw out some money. The bank has noted down how much money I have spent in the last month and also know how much money will be coming in next month. I then went to McDonalds where I bought a meal with a voucher. The number of vouchers I use tells them how much I like to eat and how often, which was taken into the till as well as my signature on the slip noting that I'd paid by card. My journey had been recorded, for posterity or otherwise, by so many different companies, institutions and organisations. Immortalised forever, like the words here that sit on a server in America somewhere. So there I stood, underneath this security camera. The New Look computers would be completely unaware of my presence. People filtered past me, the men sharing a knowing smile and the girls ignoring the presence of a heathen in their midst. I was seen, acknowledged and then forgotten. It suddenly dawned on me that, for the first time that day, I was temporary. The pause button had been pushed on the recording machines that whirred around me, and my actions were temporal - finite. I shook my head happily, and watched the expressions drift off of me, fading into a dust of memory before my eyes. I poked my tongue out, and no-one saw. I laughed, and no-one heard. I like to think in the future that I might have a certain degree of fame. Nothing over-the-top, but the thought that someone knows my name and I do not know theirs appeals in some strange, power-hungry way. But standing there, surrounded by bikini pants of every lurid colour under the sun, the thought of being recorded, my actions being set in stone, the permanence of daily life - it all seemed a little scary. I am hesitant even to write this, as if I am making too much of a leap, too much of an impression on the fabric of the universe. In a world of mass-paranoia and people screaming at the top of their lungs blasphemies against Big Brother, it's just as easy to get stuck in a rut of cynicism as it is to join in with the screaming. I used to scorn at anyone who thought that the government (or anyone else for that matter) is out to get us, and in a sense I still do. My day was recorded (apart from the stint with the thongs) but I don't feel it will be used against me. But the mere fact made me feel uneasy. Gone, for the moment at least, is the concept of how temporary our human world is. Our lives are very permanent, and every life makes and impression on the world. We are not in a forgive-and-forget world. If I delete my emails, I do not know where they go. If I delete this post, it may remain in cyberspace somewhere. Be careful of the choices you make and the actions you take, and savour those moments where you are not remembered. When you are not being watched, you will have risen far above the kinds of freedom most of us have.

All You Need Is Love

Lots of people ask me if I think I will marry my girlfriend in the future. I've been with her for two years almost, and people want to know if I think I'll spend the rest of my life with her. Though I almost always answer "I don't know", the real answer is yes. Yes of course I will marry her. We will live together in a small cottage in Wales and have three children named Bethsemene, Jock and Harry. And it will rain on my birthday. Love is a funny thing. People have huge arguments about its nature, and the only thing people seem to be able to agree on is the fact that it is massively complicated. The problem is that everyone's experiences have shaped the way they look at love, and so no two people have exactly the same concept of what it is to love, to be loved and to have loved. Philosophers, politicians, celebrities, writers, explorers, scientists. Everyone, famous or not, has their own view of Love and, to a certain extent, believes completely that they are right. And so they should because, to a certain extent, they simply are. When people ask me if I think I will marry my present girlfriend, I mean to say yes because to me that is what a relationship is about. I cannot understand people who would go into a relationship and not be confident about it, and not want it to endure forever. Someone once asked me to rate the seriousness of the relationship out of 10. If I answered any less than 10, I reasoned, was there any point in me continuing the relationship? Really? Because if I know that I plan to leave here in the future, there is little to dissuade me from leaving her now. And if I don't marry her? I will be depressed for some time. It won't be a good thing, but at least I will know that I pushed for the ending that I believed in. I don't profess to be perfectly correct. I'm not saying you should accept this as the truth. But for me - me, personally - that is one of Love's key aspects. It's ability to endure. That said, many people do not believe true love exists. I've listened to arguments between friends who think that Love is just a feeling of being content. It's completely selfish - you only go out with someone because they make you happy. You do not want to make them happy. Then there are those who believe in Love at first sight, those who would not consider a relationship with anyone they have known for more than a few months. There are those who are over-protective of their loved ones, and those who are too loose. There are those that are afraid of commitment, and those that are afraid of rejection. We are all being controlled by how we perceive love. I don't want to preach my views on Love. Most of you, I'm sure, wouldn't take them on board anyway. But just as I cannot explain why you love the people that you Love, I cannot explain how you should Love them either. But there is one dangerous thing that I would warn you against. Love is personal - you can't relate to my love and I cannot relate to yours. But what you must make sure is that the choices you make are your own. The fairytale happy ending, the Hollywood romantic embrace - it doesn't matter what ending you are aiming for. What you mustn't do is to let what you think should happen getting in the way of what should be happening. Love is personal, but you must make sure it is Love that is ruling you, not a desire to achieve, to succeed in Love. I know many people who have all become worried or depressed about Love. Making the right choice and enjoying it for the rest of your life will never be surpassed. It doesn't matter about the others around you think. It doesn't matter about what you had dreamed would happen. It doesn't matter about what you're being told should be happening. Quite frankly, nothing matters as long as you can tell yourself - not anyone else - that you believe that this is what Love is and this is what you want it to be. At the end of the day All you need is love.