Thursday, March 17, 2005

Announcement

Due to popular opinion (read - peer pressure) Eff Seven is undergoing some appearance changes! You'll now notice that I am archiving my articles weekly, meaning you can pick up past posts easier and the main page is a little tidier. Also, I won't be posting haphazardly any more - you'll get only what I think are the best collection of articles, links and randomness all on a Sunday morning, weekly. Clearly it's a little difficult to keep up... ^_^ Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy the new system. FinalSin

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

A Bear Walks into A Bar...

Walks up to the barman and says "I'd like a gin... ... ... ...and tonic." And the barman replies, "Why the big pause?" To which the bear replies "I was born with them." Confused smiles on a postcard to the usual address... With Thanks To That Birthday Card I Seem To Get Year After Year.

Not Big. Not Clever.

Cynic Cyanide – Love Cynic I know people say I'm unfair, intimidating, brash, thoughtless, critical, cynical - a million and one other things. They're right. Sometimes I'm just plain out of order. I shoot my mouth off, I argue for the sake of it (or to defend myself when I know I'm wrong) and sometimes I'm just pig-headed and bloody-minded. Socrates - I've failed you. However, this blog I came across the other day really does require some kind of a response. When you read the article, you'll either spit out your espresso and almost fall off your high horse in shock or you'll nod sagely and agree that, yes, this blogger is completely right. But it's hard to pinpoint why you take that belief, isn't it? I want to walk you through what I think of this article. Firstly, I'm always wary of things like this. I encourage people to write for Phoenix Publishings. I think it's good to share ideas, form opinions of our own, to make new discoveries. And how are we going to do that if I talk and you listen? We all need to talk. We mustn’t worry about talking about what we think is rubbish - everything we write has come from ourselves, and so that makes it important. Even if someone reads it and disagrees, they're better educated for having read it. But encouraging people to write can produce the one thing in life that irritates me the most - being fashionably depressed. Cynic Cyanide (and I'm sorry if you're reading this and disagreeing) is definitely trying to be fashionably depressed. Love is a funny thing; I'll admit that (and I think I have, somewhere on this blog). But, even though it has spawned wars and vast journeys, it usually divides people into two groups - the cynics and the lovers. Or (if you're feeling cynical yourself today) those that have love and those that do not. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that love is just being content. It's selfish. It's all about making yourself happy, and everything else is just some evil conspiratorial illusion concocted by American fat cat, right-wing political activists. Equally, there are people out there who think that love is something truly special - something worth going to war over, something worth dying for. Who is right? Well, we can't know that. What you believe is the closest you're going to get to the truth - so stick by it, that's all the advice I can give to you. But perhaps... perhaps there might be another piece of advice I can give you. And if there was, it would probably be this - never, ever take the stance that Cynic Cyanide has taken. It doesn't matter whether you believe love is contentment or something true and universal, once you believe that love is something people put on a 'to do' list you really have to start questioning your beliefs. This isn't a character assassination, and it isn't intended as one. But this whole idea of criticising things because it's a 'cool' thing to do really sucks. The article I've linked to above starts off by telling you that everyone around you who is in a couple is doing it as part of a popularity contest. It the ends by saying that we search for the feeling of being in love, not happiness. I'm not entirely sure what experiences Cynic has of being in love, but if they aren't happy then I'm not surprised that s/he wrote that article. On the way to my work, I always stop by a particular lamppost because someone keeps putting stickers on it. The latest one bore a crudely-drawn chicken and the phrase "The river burst its banks, flooded the fields and killed all the children." followed by the one-liner "I [heart] TSN". I like to think I'm a pretty perceptive person - even to things that I dislike - but I really couldn't find anything in that at all. It probably sounded cool to whoever put it up there. But it doesn't mean sod all. Fashionably anarchic, you say? Hell yes. If my philosophy class proportionally represented the beliefs of the world, there'd be about four billion people living in a state of anarchy. Does anyone really contemplate these beliefs? Do you really think that The System should be done away with? Do you even know what you're saying? And why the chicken!? And so, it's not big and it isn't clever. Beliefs are good. I like beliefs. Beliefs, values, morals - they shape who we are and they make us us, not some clone of our parents. But being a clone of our generation is no better. All day long I hear racist remarks, comments on asylum seekers, the war on terror, the meaning of life, the existence of God, the evils of the west, the exploitation of the middle east - but not a word of it (not often, at least) is anything more than the drivel spewed forth by manipulative public speakers or the will of parents and peers. Cynic Cyanide can have her (or his) loveless world. The TSN lover can have his anarchic paradise. The white supremacist wannabes can have their bastard society. Beliefs nowadays are far from the fantasies they have been of centuries gone by. If enough people go along with the masses, you'll have your loveless world. You'll have your whites-only country. You'll have your anarchy. And you'll have a nasty, brutish and short life. The message is simple - be careful what you believe in, because it might just come true. For everyone - regardless of your age, social status or location - it is time to think carefully about everything. I know I've slipped in the beliefs of my own here and there. Ignore those, if you wish. But don't ignore yourself. You might come out with more questions than answers, but those answers will be the most satisfying you've ever had. Cast aside the bonds of your society and upbringing, and free your mind. Socrates would have wanted it that way. And let's face it he was pretty damn cool himself, right?

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The Light Fantastic

Author's note - I recommend reading The Cat And The Photon or having a basic knowledge of the Two-Slit Experiment before reading this article. I can't believe you're reading this, really. Do you have any idea how blinding the world around you is right now? The light from the sun is beating down into your eyes right now, surging through your pupil and searing across your retina. Light energy from every star in the galaxy is whipping around the room you're in right now, and the leftover moonlight from three days ago is ricocheting off the walls around you. I'm impressed that you're managing to see through the glare of an eternity of light. Impressed in some ways. Of course - you can't see it, can you? In fact, if I told you that right now the sun was shining in your eyes (despite the fact that it could well be nighttime where you are reading this from) you'd probably think I'd had one drag queen experience too many. Well, ladies and gents - it's true. And in fact it's better than true - it's Physics. Allow me to elaborate. According to everything that we know, light is a wave. For the astute of those amongst you (and any avid readers of Phoenix Publishings), you will know that this has not so much been disproved as it has been turned on its head. Light is a wave. But it also acts like a particle - a packet of light energy which physicists have coyly named a Photon. If you're worried about how something can be both things at once, then check out my other article on the subject. If you're not, well... either my explanatory techiques aren't that hot or you've already had your primer on Quantum Physics. Well if you thought the cat was a little strange, wait until you're through with this article. So... photons. Funny thing is, it turns out that photons don't just behave strangely when you give them two holes and ask them to choose one (they choose both, incidentally). In fact, if you give them a wide open space they behave strangely. In fact, they behave strangely even if you've got somewhere where they can't actually get to. Photons are, in a word, strange. Let's take the desk/table/area you're at right now. There must be a shadow somewhere, right? Maybe under the monitor, between the keys on the keyboard, the corner of the ceiling. The area is dark because the light waves are being blocked by something right? Right? Nu-uh. As the photons stream out from the sun, the bulb, the monitor, they go wherever the hell they want. They loop-the-loop up your left nostril. They turn corners. They reflect at angles that defy the laws of physics. They stop in mid-air. They go back in time. They go into your eye and bounce around your rods and cones. They do anything you can imagine. So that little shadow between the space bar and the letter 'b'? Light from yesterday's Sun is hitting there. So is light from every bulb on the planet. In fact, that area of darkness is subject to just as many photons as the surface of the monitor you're reading this off of. And now for the confession that should have come during The Cat And The Photon. The Cat experiment is pure pedantry, and Schrodinger, the physicist who devised the experiment, came up with it because he despised what he had discovered. Every physicist who has made an advance in Quantum Physics has disliked what they have discovered - more and more probability. And so the Cat theory is only theoretical. The photon really does do two things at once. The cat, of course, does not. It only works on a theoretical, micro-level. And so, when I say that the gap on your keyboard is receiving day-old light from a bulb in the same room as you... Well it's a bit of a cop-out, really. Here's what's really happening... Light really does take every possible path to a detector from a source. Photons from the monitor in front of you actually are looping around your head and then entering your eye. But you don't see them, and you never will. Because as a photon loops around the left side of your head and enters your right eye, another photon takes the opposite course and enters the same eye. They cancel each other out. For each photon that leave the lightbulb and tracks the left hand wall before diving into your keyboard, another will track the right hand wall and end up at the same point. Each photon has a partner, and the two combine to create something called destructive interference. This creates darkness. And the only photon that doesn't have an opposite path? You guessed it. The one that goes in a dead straight line, at the speed of light. And so we come full circle to a rather empty conclusion. Photons are everywhere. They're buzzing around, coming in and out of existence like there's no tomorrow (which, for a particle that defies time, there isn't). In vacuums (or as near as experiments can come to) photons have been monitored coming in and out of existence for no reason. It completely defies the Conservation Of Energy, but try telling a subatomic particle that. You know more about the world, but I haven't really explained anything to you. The reason you're taught - we're all taught - that light travels in straight lines is because, essentially, that's all that matters. People that have not read this article will not be mystified when a beam of light stretches around a corner because it never will (not of its own accord anyway). But hopefully this will have sparked an interest and awoken you to one thing - the world around you is not as black and white as it seems. 90% of that desk is nothingness. Have you never considered that? And all around you, light is buzzing in and out of existence. You've probably never considered that. I don't like the idea of science proving or disproving the existence of God. Science does not provide answers to everything, but nor does it imply that we should therefore turn to a divine being. But what it does do is remind us that nothing in this universe of ours is what it seems, and a revolution of our sciences, arts and culture is always on the brink of happening. And if you think time-travelling light is a pretty far-fetched concept, you just wait until the next time we talk Quantum. Thanks for listening. Any questions or queries, email me.

A Woman Walks Into A Bar...

And asks the barman for an innuendo, so he gives her one. Broken applause on a postcard to the usual address... With Thanks To Mr. Swemmer And Mr. Wilson.

Monday, March 14, 2005

N

Although we pretend to want free-roaming, non-linear masterpieces with eye-aching graphics and an epic narrative, most gamers are not averse to the simple things in life. From ‘Avoid Missing Ball For High Score’ to Quake III we’re just as happy with something genuinely refined and polished as we are with a game that offers the depth and complexity of Neverwinter Nights or Civilisation III. N is simple. A quick glance at a screenshot – a quick glance at the name – and you can tell this. N’s clean, crisp yet fondly retro graphics and simple, yet strangely stressful, gameplay provide a blend smoother than Master Chief’s visor. N combines the Fun ethics of classic arcade games development with the ‘What If?’ mentality of the underground/bedroom coding scene. The ‘real life’ physics engine combines with the classic platforming recipe to create a fast-paced against-the-clock gaming experience which is absolutely, blissfully, free of charge. Small enough for 56k users yet enduring enough for even the most adept platform gamer, N succeeds in every way great games of its type should. With a level editor which allows you to craft everything from a race to a rescue mission and a secret mode on offer should you (by some inhuman feat) manage to complete all 300 levels, N will keep all gamers happy for some time. Download It Here

A Foetus Walks Into A Bar...

Walks up to barman, and asks: "Have you got a womb for the night?" Laughter on a postcard to the usual address... With Thanks To Mr. Arnold And Mr. Baker.