Flux

Of all the banal observations I made yesterday, here's the one that sticks out most prominently - everything changes. And yes, it is banal, however deep I'm now going to make it seem. Because change is what life is about, it's what time is made to measure. Changes unto changes. Yet still, I find it unsettling. When I was told what she'd done, it didn't seem that original. In fact, I wasn't even sure it was a bad thing, such was the ambiguity of the story. Was I supposed to laugh? Gasp? It eventually became clear that this was not normal action. But as the name floated across to me, I realised that even if everyone else had expected this from her, I certainly hadn't. There are lots of ways of looking at it. After all, I don't expect myself to have stayed the same, so why should I pin other people down in some eternal dance, as if their staying the same would stop me from growing old, or losing what I have. And I guess it would've been equally weird if that girl had stayed the same as she always had been for all the years I'd known her. But still, it doesn't sit right. There's some friction there. I was talking to a friend the other day about Philosophy, and how hard it is to pick out your own beliefs. I think mine are beginning to show through in places, but (as I hope to explain in a future article) I think a large part of my beliefs is the idea of not having any beliefs. Look hard enough, though, and I think you'll see some foundations in everyone's day-to-day life. And fear is a big part of it. That's probably the most common criticism of religion I hear from educated people - that's it's wish-fulfilment, mere fantasy to help us deal with death and fear. I've never quite fathomed why that's a criticism, but when I consider my astonishment at the inevitable, I guess it's kind of rooted in fear. These people are growing up, they're growing old. And even if I decide not to change, the entire world is going to go on and change anyway. Already, a few months away from the last day, I feel people slipping through my fingers, seeping away into nothingness. Maybe they'll get lost in the system, only to bump into me again in a supermarket one day. Maybe I'll stay with them forever, and speak to them all the time. But perhaps they'll disappear. Is that what I'm afraid of? The thing with being at the top is that, even though you know everyone has to have a turn at it, you feel that it's your right not to let go. You feel that, having accomplished so much now, you shouldn't have to let go of things. Why should things change? You have friends, you have money, you have safety and an education. Change will just take them away, and make you work to earn new ones. How can that be a good thing? Aristotle would've thought it to be great. He did, in fact. Because for him, change is what life is about. Never standing still, never stopping to grow complacent. Change is what keeps things exciting - friends fade, and new ones appear. Loves linger, and loves disappear, but one way or another there is always love around. Flux, chaos, unpredictability - it's part of being alive. Still... it was pretty risqué, for her.