Saturday, February 26, 2005

Dear Blog

Today the world is a swirling mess. And not the kind of swirling mess usually induced by cocktail parties. For the record (and for those of you who might have been alarmed by my last post) I don't down 70cl bottles of Gin on a regular basis. Hmm... I think love is a funny thing, you know? I'll think about it today, whilst performing the age-old mantras of the shelf-stacker: Clean/Rotate/Stack, Clean/Rotate/Stack. Nirvana usually strikes me whilst stacking KitKats in the biscuits aisle. I can only hope for such an occurence today....

Friday, February 25, 2005

Through The Eyes Of The Innocent

My desk currently contains: 70cl of London Dry Gin Celery Salt Cloud Atlas, by David Mitchell A battered copy of Hamlet Several receipts Some Vitamin C tablets Two corks There's a moral in there, somewhere...

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Invisible Union

People don't usually have great things to say about The World Today. For me, a lowly student, I get just about every biased take on modern society possible. I get the drawl of the salespeople convincing me they can see into the future better than everyone else. I get the sneer of my elders telling me that society is in decline. I get the pseudo-anarchist teenagers who think they understand the problem with 'The System'. I get the frank explanation from my teachers that humanity is a bleak mass of peoples with no future. I get the tabloid press, who tell me how not to live my life. I get the glossy weeklies who tell me how everyone else is living theirs. I get the prime minister, who tells me that Things need to be done. And I get the terrorists. Who tell me they don't like me much.
To be quite honest, it's a bit of a mess isn't it? It's a bloody downright shambles! If all of these people were right then the world would have imploded right now under the weight of its own depression. But, it seems, humanity has begun to believe its own hype. There isn't much of an incentive for believing in a happy ending any more, and your neighbour seems equally likely to slash your tyres as to love you. The masses are revolting! The monarchy is a shambles! The government is corrupt, and our armies are ineffective! Our industry is being sold out to foreign nations, and our Fair Land inhabited with illegal immigrants! And who is to blame in all this?
I think now, at this sort of lull that you get between wars and elections, humankind needs a few minutes to eat some orange quarters and have a team huddle. Humanity needs to get its act together. That skilful play, those artful team efforts that brought real progress to the world - where was that in the last five years, when we needed it most. Where was the temperance, the prudence, the courage? Are you going to sit back and wait for society to decay? Because let me tell you right now that the only thing that's going to cause a decline in the way we live is if people sit back and wait for one to come along. Because if you wait, I can guarantee you one will come along soon enough.
We need to start moving. As a nation. As a species. As a planet. I don't want to suggest where we might go. I don't want to write a small dissertation in the vain hope that some representative of the United Nations might pick this up somehow. All I really want to do is share something with you that made me think these things, something that made me realise that maybe, just maybe, society might stand a chance in the world of tomorrow.
Snow is a rare blessing in these parts, and though the scaremongers might suggest that global warming will lead to many more 'blessings' in the future, I still cherish the light, crisp dusting of ice that fell glistening through the air as I made my way home today. There was something poetically unplanned about the way is danced and twirled through the air before dissolving into a white wisp of wind as it neared the floor.
It was snow unlike I had ever seen before. Having lived in the UK all my life, this is not a difficult thing I must admit, but this was heavy snow for me and judging by the look on the faces of those who passed me I could tell it was heavy by their standards too.
The woman who is the source of this article was walking towards me at the other end of the road. Plodding. There was nothing remarkable about the woman, she was just another old lady, another OAP making her way home, or to a shop, a school, a workplace. It didn't really matter. We were both travelling, forced to go on foot through the veil of dusty ice. I took no notice of her, really. Everyone was just as absorbed in their own journeys as I was.
But as she passed me, my eyes flickered up and we smiled at each other for a split second. She was many, many decades older than me, but other than that I could tell nothing of where she was from. I do not know her name. I do not know where she lives. I don't know whether she perfers cats or dogs. The only thing I know, and the only thing that matters, is that for that split second we shared a common experience.
She did not know what I was thinking. I did not know what she was thinking. But we were both out there, in this snow unlike anything we had experienced for some time (if at all). There was no reason for any communication, but as I walked on past her I was struck by this sensation that I had not communicated with her because she was a relative, or because she was a friend, or because she was white, or a woman, or middle-class, or English. I had smiled at her because she was human, and so was I. And so, it didn't matter what else we shared. The common trait of being human was all that was needed.
Being human. That is what we all share. That is what binds us, and what will continue to bind us, for the rest of eternity. And that, ladies and gentlemen, that is why my faith in humanity will never be shaken.
Albert Einstein was a solemn human, and a reflective one. He said,
"We cannot despair of humanity, because we ourselves are human beings."
And at the end of the day, come utopia or anarchy, we will all be bound irrevocably by the tie of being human.
What it is to be human, however, is a story for another time.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

That Old Chestnut

It's been said of me that I'm not fussy when it comes to movies. I'll sit down and watch virtually anything, and though I might be able to talk about the best bits after the show, I find it often impossible to detect poor acting or a repetitive plot. If it's got any hint of a story (and less than a hint of Jennifer Lopez) then I'm quite happy to sit down and lap it up. I look across our video collection (some more taped off the television than others) and my eyes stray across the Matrix trilogy, a smattering of spy thrillers, Kill Bill Volume One, Love Actually, a dash of political suspense, a healthy dose (or as healthy as it can be) of romantic comedy and a sugary-sweet dollop of children's animation. I pick up one, and I play it. The spy thrillers ooze the charm and sophistication, the guns, gadgets and gung-ho heroism that no woman (no matter how innapropriately-named) can resist. The RomCom throws crisis after crisis at me, slapsticking here and there like a drunk Charlie Chaplin, before spiralling into an inevitable cosy finish. They are all a tour de force of their own genre, a rich exploration of their predecessors finest moments. Or, as we like to call them, riddled with boring and tired clichés. Well you know what? I love 'em. I absolutely adore them. Barrel-chested, chisel-jawed hero getting the girl? Thanks, I'll take two. British evildoer with characteristically snobbish laugh? That'll do me nicely. Nonsensical plot twists? Oh go on then. You spoil me, really. And a teeth-grindingly cheesy moral bit at the end? Thanks. That'll round everything off nicely. And people say I'm easily pleased... Now listen - I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea. I know it's very few people's cup of tea. I know that it's all a cliché. I know that the plot is bland, the budget low, the actors weak and most importanly the clichés as well disguised as George Bush's foreign policy. I know all this. But it doesn't stop me lapping it all up. And why? Because I know that this is the closest form of heritage you're going to get in an industry that has only been in place for eight decades or so. The clichés of today are merely the classics of yesterday. It was all novel, new and genre-defining once. But now we sneer at it and look down on them as if to ask why they were ever loved in the first place. The reason we loved them was because they were new, fresh and ingenious. Now we see them as an excuse to walk down a road already beaten. We want new! We want fresh! We want tomorrow today! But no. We shouldn't and we mustn't. Forgetting the past is not the way to do it. Once in a while you must - you all must - take a chance to sit down and watch something you think will be cheap and tacky. Let them lead you down that same old path once more. You'll never know the sights you'll be shown unless you take the road. You might see something you like.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Lessons In Leet

In a way, I must admit it has an encouraging quality to it. The idea of training those generations who were not born into the cyber era in the use of computers has always been a commendable idea and, for those so-called silver-surfers who did not lap up the technology as soon as it came out, it has meant a new way of life involving communication to relatives abroad, enhanced social lives (somewhat ironic if you consider the concept behind most e-communication) and the opportunity to learn more than ever before. But we have to ask ourselves whether there might actually be a line. And let's face it, Mr. Gates, I think there is one. I also think that you might - might - have stepped over it when you started to try and break down leet-speak as if you were studying Chaucer. For those of you who don't spend your evenings hooked up to cyberspace or games, leet-speak is a collection of slang terms which gamers, hackers and teenage MSN-jockeys like to use to communicate in a more relaxed and 'hip' way. And that's all you need to know. Trust me. You don't need to know how to write the word 'ham' in leet-speak, nor do you need to know that 'sploitz' may indicate that someone is getting ready to hack your system and make it take over your house. Because chances are that if your son is talking to someone who is mentioning sploitz, they're more likely to be cheating at a game than trying to break into the FBI mainframe. And yet, at the same time I'm struck with the idea that this might actually be a good thing. Microsoft is clearly doing their best to educate all generations in all aspects of computing. It seems a little pointless to leave a silver surfer with no abilities other than being able to turn on the PC and type an email when there is a whole world of unimaginable information and experiences to behold. Leetspeak is just one way of helping people integrate into a society that has grown to accept these kinds of quirks and trends as a norm. But be wary. Microsoft's stiff-upper-lip explanation of leetspeak is a little cold and a little bland. One stroll into the PC Gamer forums and you'll find that leetspeak is used as an ironic reference to the people that use it. In fact, the apparently trendy leetspeak is becoming something of a joke in most people's eyes. But that isn't to say that Microsoft's 'Leetspeak For Dummies' isn't a good place to start. Soon, you'll be displaying your m4d 1337-speaking sk1llz to one and all and will earn the respect of your peers and legions of 14 year-old Dutch teenage geeks. Ph34r the h4x0rs no longer at http://www.microsoft.com/athome/security/children/kidtalk.mspx And breath deeply.